Monday Musings: An Image Of A Former Self

My theory about getting older is; we may intellectually be able to look in the mirror and accept what we see…signs of middle age and all. But somewhere in the recesses of our mind lives the younger version of us, the persona we’ve created of who we think we were back then. Photos from our youth often reinforce our memories through the family stories that accompany them. “Oh that was the day you caught a bigger fish than Uncle Johnny up at the lake”.

By the time we’ve looked at those photos a hundred times, we don’t “see them” anymore, we have long ago invested in the younger, mythical version of them. So when recently, out of the blue, an old friend who is retiring and selling her house, presented me with a photo from our shared teenage years that I didn’t know existed, the jolt was visceral. Who was that girl, and where in my self-directed tableau did she belong.

Looking out from the crinkled paper with staple holes in it, was an earnest young woman with a slightly coquettish smile and beehive hairdo, proudly displaying the letter sweater of her current beau. I stared at her for a long time, enlarging the photo so I could study her face. She stared back from within a gorgeous autumn day; one of those rare gifts of Indian Summer, filled with golden warmth and colored leaves. Off to a football game perhaps or about to go for one of the last rides of the season in a convertible.

The photo’s focus is sharp, the colors still crisp, but the subject remains an enigma, unrecognizable in her youth and naiveté. 

Warrior Wednesday: Wall Of Memories/Bracelets Of Hope

I don’t know what it says about us as a species, but somehow we humans manage to have a war every ten to twenty years; as if each generation needs it’s own bloody touchstone. For my group of Baby Boomers, it was and is, Vietnam. 

Since the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, “The Wall”, was dedicated in 1982, I’ve wanted to go there. On each subsequent trip to Washington, time and schedules conspired against me. Last week, I finally made it.

I’ve been to many nationally significant and historic sites, from Gettysburg to Ground Zero three months after the attacks. Each place has it’s own energy; it’s own ghosts that stand guard over their tragic legacy.

For me, The Vietnam Wall holds not ghosts but memories of friends and classmates, including the boy who took me to the Junior Prom. I’ve written of Greg, my other lost friends, and the Vietnam era impact, before. "The Morning Call" continues to carry one of those columns on its website. But I was still unprepared for the gut punch of that long black monolith of loss.

Before I found any of the names I was looking for, tears were streaming down my face. Greg’s name was too high for me to make a tracing. I left a note so he would know he’s not forgotten. Many people do the same. The day I visited, the space at the bottom of the wall held flowers, teddy bears, military insignia, and several bracelets that are only to be returned when the person whose name is on them comes home, is identified, or when the wearer is no longer able.

One bracelet was accompanied by a note that read, “Jonathan, Welcome Home! I apologize for taking 23 years to return your bracelet. It (and another) belonged to my grandmother who wore it until her passing in 2000. I inherited the bracelets partly because I knew of their significance. A few years ago I was able to find out you had returned but was unsure what to do with the bracelet. Since the internet I was able to find out that bracelets of the returned should be left at The Wall, so here it is. I want you to know that generations of my family… The rest is unintelligible, but it doesn’t take much imagining to fill in the blanks: Several generations of an American family thought about a stranger lost thousands of miles from home, every day of their lives.

Washington is filled with memorials to heroes who saved the nation and warriors who made the ultimate sacrifice. Each generation’s war has its marker; Korea, both World Wars, and Vietnam. Only The Wall holds the names of its fallen: Black slab after black slab of courageous young men and women who never came home.

I wonder what this current generation’s Iraq and Afghanistan memorial will look like?  

A Different Type of Warrior

As my European friends would say, I’m “on holiday” this week. Translated in to American, that means I’m on vacation, so I was not planning to post my regular “Woman Warrior Wednesday” feature. Then, out of the blue, came these photographs of Zarghona, the young Afghan girl I found dying in a hospital in Kabul in 2006, now looking very happy with her family.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a story about Zarghona, for a woman’s global communications network, "World Pulse". The WP story was based on the last information I had about her, which was several years old. Retelling the harrowing story of how so many people had come together to save Zarghona from a terminal heart condition, and how after seeing her on my last trip to Afghanistan, I had no further information on her, prompted me to reach out to Dr. Ismail Wardak, the Afghan doctor who had been instrumental in bridging the language and culture barriers we had to cross to save her.

The result of that effort are the two photos you see here: Top, a smiling Zarghona with her parents, and below, with the wonderful Dr. Wardak, one of Afghanistan’s leading orthopedic surgeons. What do these photos tell us? 

Do they tell us that the media focus on the woeful condition of the Afghan National Army is accurate? Do they confirm the hyperbole of the pundits and talking heads, many of whom have never been to Afghanistan or have little first-hand knowledge of the Afghan Army, or for that matter, of our extensive US efforts to train them, that when they portray the ANA as unable and/or unwilling to defend their own country, the media are ill-informed?

The Afghan people are frequently stereotyped as ignorant, unaware, or unwilling to build their own future. I challenge you to look at these photographs of this family: A father who is a professional soldier, like many of our own warriors; a loving stay-at-home wife and mother who when her child was dying, never left her side, and a young teenager with a sweet smile, who now has a healthy and hopefully long future ahead of her…

Look at them and tell me that Afghanistan is not filled with it’s own warriors, men, women, and children, who are fighting a battle, each in their own way, to live their lives in peace and security. 

Monday Musings: Summer Vacation…Timing Is Everything

After some well placed and well timed hints from me, my husband agreed to take a week off so we could have a “summer getaway”. Nothing fancy, a rented place a block from the water off the Chesapeake Bay. The plan was to sleep, eat, and read. In exchange for his willingness to go away when he’s so busy at work, I, the news & technology junkie whose entire professional universe centers around electronic media, had to agree to “unplug”; a big commitment on my part.

August is usually a good time to for this sort of thing because so many other people are doing it…trying to grab that last gasp of summer before Q4 starts at the office and the kids go back to school.

We certainly picked some week for our summer vacation, a week when our country has suffered two enormous losses: Thirty of our best and brightest warriors in Afghanistan, and millions of dollars in our IRA and investment accounts.

I imagine my husband and I are like many Americans this week, we continued with our lives and our plans, but the relaxed, atmosphere that usually envelopes us on vacation was nowhere to be found. There is a sub-current of sadness that is hard to shake: A sense that it is disrespectful to be carefree when so many have sacrificed so much.

Just as the shock of the tragedy in Afghanistan was easing, the financial markets began a freefall resembling an out of control carnival ride. My “unplugged” promise went quickly by the wayside as the Dow Jones average plummeted. Checking my email, I found a message from the investment firm that we use, urging everyone to stay calm. I sent a quick little reply of support to the operations manager…thinking she could probably use a friendly message, only to have her write back to say that this recent dip has been the last straw for many. Her recounting sounded like a scene from a movie about the Great Depression; people banging on the door, screaming “sell, sell” over the phone, demanding their money in cash.

No matter where you are right now in this great land, from sea to shining sea, it’s a discomforting time for Americans. The families of our fallen soldiers are suffering and need our comfort, while our country is, perhaps, in the process of being changed forever.

I’m going to be glad to get home…

Woman Warrior Wednesday: Jessica L. Wright, Acting Principle Dep. Asst. Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs

Shortly after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, then Brig. Gen. Jessica Wright, was summoned to Washington, D.C. At the end of a long day, which included learning that a good friend had died at the Pentagon, she and a few colleagues stopped at a little out-of-the-way Mexican restaurant. A group of men with cords in their ears arrived and Wright found herself face to face with her commander in chief.

Dressed in civilian clothes, Wright looked like any other citizen. One of her friends said, "Mr. President, this is Jessica Wright, and she’s a general in the Pennsylvania National Guard." When the President and Mrs. Bush were leaving, he walked to the table and said, "General, be ready." "Sir, we are ready," came the reply. Keeping one of the largest National Guard forces in the United States "ready," became the responsibility of Major General Jessica L Wright, the Adjutant General of Pennsylvania; the first woman ever to hold the position.

To those who know Wright, her history-making appointment was no surprise.

She grew up outside of Pittsburgh in a self-described blue-collar family, where "everyone worked." Her grandparents were coal miners, her mother worked full time, and her father held down two jobs, which may be why her parents insisted she get an education. Wright attended a small college in West Virginia where she graduated with a degree in social work.

Finding a job proved to be difficult, so she came home and enlisted in the National Guard, where, she says, “One opportunity led to another”.

One of those opportunities was flight school. "I was young and adventurous. There were people who didn’t think women belonged in flight school. They kept telling me I should be a nurse. Those people are still around. They’ve just gotten older, not wiser."

Upon graduating from flight school, in 1978, Jessica Wright became the first female Army aviator in the Army National Guard. Wright’s bio is filled with firsts, like being the Army’s first maneuver brigade commander; and it’s replete with honors, including the Distinguished Service Medal, Legion of Merit with oak leaf cluster and Senior Army Aviator badge.

In the fall of 2010, Wright retired with the rank of Major General from the Pennsylvania Army National Guard. After such a career, many might rest on their laurels…or oak leaf cluster.

In November, 2010, Jessica Wright joined the Office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, where she currently serves as the acting Principal Deputy Assistant Secretary, at the Pentagon. In that position Wright is a key advisor to and responsible for all matters of the Office of Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, as they relate to the men and women of the Guard and Reserve, with specific responsibility for all manpower, medical and personnel policy matters supporting 1.2 million members of the reserve components of the United States Armed Forces.

Jessica Wright continues to serve her country and her fellow soldiers, while providing an outstanding role model for women who want to build a successful military career.

Note: Portions of this post are from a previous interview I conducted with Major General Wright, and which appeared in my column in The Morning Call on January 2, 2004

The Old Switcharoo…

You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and writers: So here we are on “Woman Warrior Wednesday” without a Warrior, at least until Friday, when we’ll profile GEN Jessica Wright. Instead, we’re doing the “old switcheroo”; bringing “Friday Finds” to you today.

Considering that the weekly deadline for ordering from our “find” is midnight tonight, this is actually good timing…

When I first heard about "Pure Sprouts", I was excited: Organic produce and foodstuffs delivered to your door…in the Lehigh Valley! Sounded more like something you’d find in West Chester County, NY or Darien, CN. Once I became a customer I was hooked.

Despite some misconceptions about exactly what “organic” means, it’s the lack of chemicals, hormones, or pesticides being used to grow & produce the food, the importance of eating such produce, meat, baked goods is no longer up for debate. Numerous studies have shown many of the chemicals sprayed on our foods have carcinogenic effects at worse and degenerative effects at best. My favorite example of this is from the website/blog "Healthy & Green Living" where a student used sweet potatoes to demonstrate that those sprayed with the common agricultural chemical Chlorpropham were “dead” while organic potatoes were still alive enough to sprout.

But I digress: Back to Pure Sprouts and their wonderful service and selection. Once you’ve landed on the Pure Sprouts website you can determine if they deliver to your zip code by entering it in the designated box. If they do, simply “sign up” and begin cruising through a virtual farm, field & store of fresh produce, prepared foods, baked goods, and gifts. When you have your basket put together, simply check out and wait for all your goodies to arrive on your doorstep. It’s that simple…and that delicious. Right now my two favorite items are organic cherries (very hard to find even at farmer’s markets) and baked stuffed organic tofu which I sauté with mushrooms, spinach, and soy sauce; Yum.

Pure Sprouts is Lehigh Valley owned and operated by young wife and mother, Lori Stansberry, and her family. The fact that the business is primarily woman owned and operated makes it even more appealing to me. Another bonus, especially in these times, is that many of Pure Sprouts offerings come from local farms and producers, so you’re shrinking the carbon footprint of how much fuel and energy it takes to feed you, (My Conservative friends are rolling their eyes right now) and you’re supporting multiple local businesses; a true Win/Win.

If there is any downside at all, it is that you will pay a bit more in some cases than you would if/when you can find similar items at a grocery store. Both Wegman’s and Giant have been steadily increasing their supply of organic produce, and when they have strawberries or broccoli or the like, it is usually less expensive than at Pure Sprouts, but it’s also not delivered to your door, and the selection is hit or miss.

So fire up the Weber, get out the virgin olive oil, chop up some fresh herbs and serve up a wonderful summer mélange of organic grilled vegetables. Enjoy!

Monday Musings: This Wasn’t What We Planned

The following two stories are true, and have occurred in this past week. The names have been changed to protect everyone, some, quite frankly, who don’t deserve protection.

Welcome to the latest of Perspectives’ new “regular features”: Woman Warrior Wednesday, Fashion & Finds Friday are now joined by “Monday Musings”, a weekly look at the human condition from medicine to politics, from gender issues to the environment, and everything in between.

Musings are defined as thoughts or meditations. The recent situation in Washington has given all us plenty of reasons for both of those. If we look past one of the worse displays of political dysfunction in our lifetime, what we’ll see is the reality of people who are suffering beyond the Beltway: People for whom life is turning out nothing like they planned.

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There was a nice looking couple we used to see occasionally at social & community functions. They were friends of friends so we knew them casually. He was a successful medical professional and she was a very attractive, stylish, stay-at-home wife and mother. I heard through the grapevine that he was involved with another woman and was seeking a divorce. I know nothing else about the story except when I walked in to my favorite bakery the other day; I caught a glimpse of someone who looked familiar pushing a rack of bread toward the front of the store. Her blond hair was bound up under a net; her face was pale & drawn. We made eye contact. It was painful…for both of us.

She said her former husband’s practice had suffered from the affair and his finances were, possibly deliberately, in disarray, and she had not been able to afford high-powered legal counsel. She had tried to return to her original career in fashion and merchandising but after being out of the work force for so long, and with 9.1% unemployment, here she was, in her mid-50’s, pushing a bakery cart.

While on my usual shopping rounds of framers markets and grocery stores last week, I noticed some of my favorite faces were out place. The knowledgeable young man who always makes sure I get the freshest fish and the middle-aged woman who lost her business and then found a job she loved demonstrating new products were not in their usual spots. I found them both doing other, lesser jobs: The fish monger was handing out samples of fruit and looking very embarrassed to be doing so. Both told me a new policy was in place designed to hold down the need for new employees, so everyone had to be willing to do whatever job they were assigned. As one said to me, “What can I do? I have to keep this job.”

I’ve always been one of America’s greatest boosters: A Ronald Reagan “Shining City on the Hill” believer that we are the greatest nation on earth. But there is no longer any doubt that our country is in serious trouble from which it will likely take decades to recover. And for a generation for whom recovery time has run out, a generation who grew up thinking that if you worked hard and followed the rules, life turned out like an episode from Ozzie & Harriet…this sure wasn’t what we planned.

Welcome to Friday…“Fashion & Finds”

What better time to think about our “To Do” list than on a Friday, with two whole days ahead of us to get things done around the house, update our wardrobe, browse the book store, or test drive that new car you’ve been lusting after.

It’s with that agenda in mind that Perspectives is kicking off a new Friday feature…“Fashion & Finds”. Whether it’s a great sale on shoes, a new cleaning product that removed all the cat hair from my house, or a fabulous restaurant with great service, you’ll read about here each Friday.

And don’t forget to send along tips about your favorite things. Just click “Contact” at the top of the blog.

Kicking off this week with my two favorite online sale shopping sites, "Gilt" and "HauteLook" where you’ll “find” the latest “fashion” at greatly reduced prices. Both sites work on the same principle: You sign up online (it’s free) after which you’ll receive their featured items each day at the same time. HauteLook goes live at 11:00 a.m. and Gilt at 12:00 noon, plus there are often special events during evenings and weekends. Heads up on timing…if it’s a hot item, it’s gone within minutes.

Many of the items featured are clothing for women, men & children, along with a selection of home furnishings and gourmet food. Both sites also offer special packages on travel to the most amazing places. A discount safari to Africa anyone?

Some of the merchandise is very high-end. Don’t let that put you off: There are lots of true bargains to be found if you look. I just bought my first real designer purse for a fraction and I mean a small fraction of what I would have paid for it in a department store. And even if you don’t buy anything, it’s so much fun to browse. There’s nothing better than fantasizing about how you’d look in that cocktail dress while sipping coffee in your PJ’s. Enjoy.

Woman Warrior Wednesday: LT COL Teri DelBalso

Teri Delbalso was just like any other little girl growing up in Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania. A childhood she describes as “very nice” included playing Barbie Dolls with her kid sister Nikki. Throughout her years at Hazelton High School and Penn State, where she graduated with a BS in Administration of Justice, Teri dreamed about her “perfect job”, but the dream was elusive. She thought about joining the military: Several dead-end jobs later, she took the plunge and joined the Army Reserves. Her training kept her away from home for nearly a year, first at Ft. Jackson, NC for basic training, then Officer Candidate School at Ft. Benning, GA, followed by a basic course for Quarter Masters at Ft. Lee, VA.

After five years posted at the Army Reserve Center in Williamsport, PA, that dream job started to come in to sharper focus. She applied for and was accepted to an advance course to become a Military Police Officer. “It was something I always wanted to do”, she says, “I just had to work my way up to it”. Upon successful completion of her training, Teri was transferred to the Military Police Unit in Ashton, PA, where she’s been serving, and moving up through the ranks, for 16 years. Today, Teri holds the rank of Lieutenant Colonel and is Commander of the 424 Military Police Detachment.

Those years of service have included two tours of duty in Iraq, in 2003-04 & 2008-09. Teri describes the first deployment as being “on the cusp of the invasion” and the conditions as “a harsh environment”. It was also extremely dangerous. Driving back to the base, after dark, through Baghdad, their convoy came under fire by RPG’s. “The guys firing at us were bad shots”, so between their return fire and defensive driving moves, Teri and her team stayed safe. Many others did not. “Our base was bombed every night; I mean every night there were incoming mortar rounds. People died around me.”

The second deployment was calmer; there was more security, better living conditions, and superior radar that detected anyone approaching the base.

Teri’s training and experience in the military led her toward that dream civilian job she’d thought about years before. For 7 years she held the distinction of being the first woman police officer in the history of McAdoo, Pennsylvania. In 1994, she joined the PA Department of Corrections, working out of the Hemlock Creek Medium Security Prison, where she is the State Prison Department Superintendent in charge of programming and treatment.

With four years to go till her goal of retiring from the military with 25 years of service, Teri says, “It’s been a great ride. I’ve been all over the world, all over the US; I’ve seen places I would have never otherwise seen”

She encourages other women to think about a military career. “Don’t run away from it. You can discover yourself, finding talents and strengths you didn’t know you had. The Army is what you make it…if you can carry your own weight and be a team player, it can be a good life”.

Welcome to Perspectives’ New Feature… Women Warrior Wednesdays

Beginning tomorrow, Wednesday, July 27, Perspectives will begin a new feature focusing on the many women serving in the US military. Each week we’ll highlight a woman, from different branches of our Armed Services, who is proudly serving our country in these difficult times.

Since the terrorist attacks of 9-11, women have answered the call and proved time and again that, as our first featured Woman Warrior, LT COL Teri DelBalso, says, “Women have shown they can go above and beyond what is expected of them, shouldering many of the same burdens as their male counterparts. We’ve earned the respect we’re now being given by rising to every opportunity and proving we can do the job”.

I hope you will enjoy these weekly “profiles in courage”, and will share them with your friends and family. One of the best ways to thank those who help to keep us safe, is to let them know we appreciate their sacrifice.

If you know of a woman warrior who you think should be featured in a Woman Warrior Wednesday story, please post a comment or email me directly through the blog.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for reading.

Pamela Varkony

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